Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
