I think my fart just growled at me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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