so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
