Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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