Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
