So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
