meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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