So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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