Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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