the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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