He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
