At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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