the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
