i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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