It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Vodka?
Forever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
