we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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