from now on my penis is your penis
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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