I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
40s are totally the cure
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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