I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
