I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
