don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
