walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
