Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
