who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
