She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
