That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sex in a hospital.. check
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
