I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
