apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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