i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
