Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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