omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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