you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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