I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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