my sisters under your porch take her home
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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