yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
