Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
