honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
