i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
