My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
