The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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