Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
a search helicopter?!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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