I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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