Your tits are I can't wait for
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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