You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
