I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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