the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
