I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
