Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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