they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I supernannyed him into submission
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
