Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
