I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
