wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
