oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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