omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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